Tell me part of your story of living with HIV?
I’ve been HIV+ and undetectable for 10 years now. I was diagnosed in a place where my career was blooming into where it is now. I was very confident in myself and my body. At that point in my life, I was mostly working – I wasn’t having sex. I was very protected at that point. My mom had just passed away so I lost a big part of me there. Then a really close friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer and she ended up passing away that year as well. Somehow, I ended up getting HIV at that point too. I knew it because I was getting sick. I was working – teaching 18 classes a week, working 10am to 11 at night. I was teaching, rehearsals, performing – every day of the week. I was able to do that no problem. Then out of nowhere, I got sick back to back. I remember it was January. Then a rash in the corner of my eye appeared. I remember thinking, I haven’t broken out since I was a teenager, going through puberty. So I was really worried about what was happening. I decided to look it up on the internet. And one of the illnesses my symptoms pointed to was HIV.
When I got tested, I tested positive. All I remember was everything in front of me crumbling. I was crumbling. I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see myself. I felt ugly. So I had to relearn how to love myself. I decided not to go back into the closet. I told everyone around me – my close friend, my family, my boss, my coworkers. I thought it was important for me to do that because I knew there was going to be change with me – the way I carry myself, the way I looked. It was like a whole new journey of finding myself. I always say it’s a curse and a blessing – because I became someone better.
I remember asking all of these questions the first day I was diagnosed. I didn’t have the knowledge I needed. I felt ignorant about HIV. So I again, I took 6 months to get healthy first of all, because I couldn’t do what I was I love – dancing. I had gotten really sick. I ended up in the ER two weekends back to back. Things were coming out of my body that I’d never seen before. It was weird. It was toxic.
I had the support of my family, my coworker. My brother would bring me a smoothie every morning for two months for breakfast. They never did that before! So for me, I gained this love and support from everyone that I never had in the past. It made me stronger in a way. It made me see my potential and everything I could achieve. Within that year, I just remember becoming superhuman and advocating and performing and doing more queer stuff. I was teaching more. The community was celebrating me in a beautiful way, knowing who I was – with ALL of me. I wasn’t hiding any part of me and it felt really good. It was like this curse that had to happen for me to become this beautiful flower that I am.
What would ending the HIV Epidemic mean to you?
If we ended the HIV epidemic it would be the end to such a long battle. Yes, it’s not a death curse anymore – but there are still people out there in Indiana dying of AIDS. It’s still an epidemic in the US – people are still getting diagnosed every single day. So, it needs to end for the better of humanity and our society.
What does U=U mean to you? How does it affect your life?
U=U means that we are all equal – that whether I’m HIV+, undetectable, queer, or whatever – it’s U=U, human to human, it’s me to me. I’m the same as I was – no actually, I’m not the same. I’m better. But we are all the same. Don’t judge someone by what you don’t see or what you don’t know.
Seeing U=U out in the world, on ads on busses and on TV, hearing people say U=U – it makes me feel comfortable in me. It gives me power. It gives me energy. It makes me feel like I’m not different – when it comes to a human body to other human bodies, we are the same bodies. It’s strength.
How long have you been undetectable?
10 years
